A Love Story

This is a True Story…  The names have been changed to protect the innocent…

It was just another lonely day at work for Jim.  He worked at a grocery store.  He was a cashier, one of the fastest in the whole company if you believed his manager.  Jim didn’t really love his job, but he didn’t hate it either.  Work was work.  He liked the people that he worked with for the most part, and he was lazy and would loathe looking for new employment.  Being somewhat anti-social, Jim didn’t immediately take to the whole customer service thing, but eventually he forced himself to smile and say the appropriate things, at the appropriate time.  Jim was known at work as being pretty private, and mostly for being quiet.  He did have one work friend whom he confided in most, an older woman, fifteen years his senior, who worked at the service desk.  Her name was Joan.  It was on a particular day at work, Jim after completing his shift, had gone over to the customer service desk to speak with Joan to tell her about some imagined horror, or ribald insult that he had conjured for her, as they often kidded about such things.  In the midst of this conversation, a girl, a beautiful girl, a beautiful girl who had just started with the company, and with whom Jim was not at all yet acquainted, interrupted Jim in his conversation with Joan.  Her name was Danielle.  She began speaking to Jim in the most animated of ways, positioning her body, and gesturing with her hands in provocative ways.  At one point she placed her hand on Jim’s shoulder, and let it linger for a moment.  Almost as soon as she had begun, she was gone, leaving Jim in a whirlwind of confusion and excitement.  He exchanged amazed glances with Joan, and proceeded to finish the conversation and head home.

Jim had only recently moved out of his parent’s house, and into a two bedroom apartment that he shared with a set of twins, eighteen year old boys, one of whom also worked at the grocery store.  Their names were Steven and Paul.  Jim barely knew Paul at all, and didn’t even realize the boys were twins until months later.  They were big boys, Polish stock, straight out of Wisconsin.  Steven had worked with Jim for almost a year and they had become pretty good friends.  They were friends enough to put faith into moving in together as roommates. They shared a passion for heavy metal, and several television shows.  It was home that Jim was headed at the moment, in his newly purchased 1995 Buick Skylark.  Buying the car had nearly drained his savings that he had in reserve for when he moved out.  His previous vehicle, a 1982 Toyota Cressida, whose hood flew up at the slightest provocation and whose engine caught fire on occasion, and brakes that refused to function; had been sold to an Indian kid at work for a princely price of $700.

Over the course of the next few days, Jim thought many times about Danielle, and often at work, when he was cashiering, he would ring items faster, in an effort to impress her.  Rarely did he take the initiative to speak to her, but that was not an issue as she took it upon herself to speak to him.  She often filled in the gaps when he went silent, which was frequently.  She loved to talk, loved to hear herself speak perhaps, uncomfortable with the silence to which Jim had grown so accustomed.  One night as Jim was driving with his roommates to the grocery store to buy supplies for their bachelor pad, they pulled in front, and there was Danielle sitting down, having just gotten off work, and perhaps waiting for a ride.  Jim offered one to her, which was politely refused, she had another one coming.  She did however know his roommates; they had gone to the same high school, though were not in the same class.  They spoke for a moment and then moved on.  Jim let his roommates know that this was the girl he was interested in.  Nothing more occurred with the girl for a while, he found out she had a boyfriend; she liked to talk about him, mostly negative things, to Jim’s delight.  Danielle had the sweetest way of speaking to Jim sometimes, making him feel like he was the only guy in the world.  One night at work, as Jim was about to go home, Danielle approached him and asked if he would give her a ride home tonight?  She didn’t get off for another four hours, but Jim had no qualms about coming back to give her the ride.

He came back at the appointed time and delivered her to her grandmother’s house where she was staying.  She was caring for her sick great grandparents, along with her brother Justin and grandmother.  Jim arrived back home and eagerly awaited the next day, when the computer game he had been waiting over a year to play, would be released.  The next day found him playing his beloved game, and it was every bit as good as he had been hoping it would be.  Jim’s phone rang.  He checked it, it was Danielle.  She needed a ride home from the training store she was at, a few miles from Jim’s house.  Jim debated momentarily, he was in the midst of a great battle on his computer screen, and here was his damsel in distress asking for help.  He made his decision and turned off his computer, leaving the battle to be decided another day.

He picked her up in grand fashion, pulling up to where she waited for him.  She got in, it was to be the second time they were alone together outside of work.  She explained how they had kicked her out of the training class because she lacked the appropriate attire, namely a white button down shirt.  She asked him if it would trouble him greatly to bring her to the Target down the road to pick one up.  Of course it was no imposition he said, he would be glad to.  After arriving they headed to the clothing section and Jim happily took his seat after she had selected a shirt.  He wondered briefly what it would be like to follow her back to the dressing room and see what lay beneath her clothes.  He idly played Tetris on his cell phone and after a brief amount of time she emerged to show off her garment.  “I don’t like it.” She complained.  “You can pretty much see right through it.” She observed.  “I think it looks great.” Jim said, eyeing her chest.  “It shows off your best attributes.”  Jim quipped, feeling curiously brave with this intriguing young lady.  Danielle smiled a sly smile but said nothing, which was unusual.  She seemed to come to a decision to buy the shirt anyways, as they had no other selection available.

Jim wondered if the adventure with his growing crush was coming to an end as they got back into the car.  “Would you like to get something to eat?”  He asked shyly.  “Yes! I’m starving!” she proclaimed.  They decided on Taco Bell, and headed to a location near where Jim’s parents lived.  They ordered several tacos and burritos for each of them, which Jim treated them to.  She got a Dr. Pepper and he a Sprite.  They sat down together and began to eat their food.  It was the first time that Jim got a chance to see her left arm in detail and notice the large cigarette lighter burn scar on her forearm.  He wanted to ask her about it but felt it would be impolite.  He realized that this might be a first date for the two of them.  It wasn’t that Jim had never been out with girls before, he had, and it had ended rather badly.  He didn’t have a lot of experience and he didn’t want to let it show.  He had several ideas about how to conduct himself and one was not to let out that he had never even had a kiss from a girl and here he was, nineteen years old.  It actually came up in their conversation, she mentioned that her first kiss was when she was sixteen, she was seventeen now.  She asked Jim when his first kiss was.  He hesitated for a moment then quickly lied, “Sixteen for me also.”  She didn’t even really pause to notice his deception, but just continued with her monologue of some summary she had created of all the highlights of her life.  “When I lived with my birth dad when I was thirteen, I had a miscarriage…  You see, my birth dad, Bill, he raped me.”  “And right now, I’m so afraid, he’s trying to get custody of me again, from my mom, and god, I don’t want to go back there.”  Jim sat in stunned silence, really in disbelief of the bombshell that Danielle had laid in front of him.  He looked into her face and saw the welling of tears in her eyes, and a wave of pity and compassion washed over him.  “O my god, I’m so sorry…I had no idea.  That’s terrible.”  Jim stuttered, still in obvious shock.  “Yeah, it is, and after that, they had to put me in a mental hospital for a while, I was in there for about a year.”  Danielle said, still choking down sobs.  Jim’s mind was racing; he was blown away by every bit of detail she continued to put forth.  On one hand he felt very sorry for this girl, and her obviously hard life, and on the other hand, Jim was scared.  Jim had grown up in a very stable home, with two loving parents, his two older brothers had gotten into trouble, so his home wasn’t without fault, but nothing as horrible as what she was telling him, and it scared him.  It made him want to run away.  The perfect image he had been building up of this girl had come tumbling down.

But maybe that was a good thing, he wondered.  All the other girls he had ever fallen for, he had built them up, so much in his mind, as to deify them, and create distance between himself and them.  So maybe it was good to see her as a real person, with real problems.  He could handle it, or so he thought, he would try.  Danielle saw him looking at her in a peculiar way, perhaps in the way one might look at a puppy just run over in the road, “Will you still be my friend?  I don’t mean to scare you off so quick with all my shit.”  “Of course, of course, I will.  That’s just some really heavy stuff.  I feel really bad for you.”  Jim hurried to assure her.  “Hey, do you want to go over to Blockbuster, and get a movie to watch or something?”  He asked.  “Sure, Umm, let me go home and ask my grandma.” She answered.  They walked outside of the Taco Bell, having finished the meal.  She took up a cigarette and began to smoke.  “Do you mind?” she asked him.  “O no, go right ahead.”  He answered her, still feeling kind of guilty, for what he really didn’t yet know.  Like maybe he was taking advantage of this damaged girl for his own selfish reasons.  Jim was confused, the bombshells he heard in the Taco Bell were sure to linger with him for a long time.  He took her home and it turned out she had some chores to do or something, and wouldn’t be available to see him until later that afternoon.  They made plans for her to visit his apartment when next they saw each other later that day.

Jim hurried home and started looking about his two bedroom apartment.  Steven sat in the living room, where he also slept, playing on Jim’s modded Xbox.  It was a pretty cool toy, it contained every arcade game ever made, and several past generation consoles with all their respective games.  Paul was in his room, doing god knows what, perhaps studying for his school.  He was attending Collins College for game design.  Despite being an excellent student himself, Jim was not going to college currently.  The previous semester he had a falling out with his mother, and moved out to his friend Kyle’s house.  Kyle’s family was living in Jim’s grandparents’ house that they were renting from Jim’s grandfather.  Unfortunately, at the time Jim moved in, the whole of Kyle’s family was struck down with sickness caused by mold in the ventilation system.  Jim contracted the mold in his lungs as well, and it plagued him for several months, causing him to miss the finals for all his classes, which caused him to fail, and lose his scholarship.  Jim eventually ran one night after being sick for months, and puked out enough of the black mold, that it didn’t bother him as much anymore.  He didn’t sign up for new classes the following semester, one reason, he didn’t have the money, losing his scholarship still stung, and he wasn’t about to drop hundreds of dollars he didn’t have on more school right now.  The other reason was that he wasn’t living at home anymore, and therefore wasn’t under the thumb of his parents, who required that he attend school while living at home.  His parents were good people, Jim loved them very much, but he felt as most young people must, that they had to break free, and for Jim, that was breaking free of a very life controlling religion.  Now unfettered by parental restraint, or moral obligation, Jim planned on sowing his seed, and living life as he had never previously been able, freely.  He excitedly told his roommates of having lunch with Danielle, and that she may be coming by the apartment later today.  Could they please clean up some of their shit?  They both sort of laughed at Jim’s antics and continued doing what they were doing.  Jim looked to his bathroom; he had his own, as he had the master bedroom.  It was a mess, having not been cleaned since he moved in, which was several months ago.  He busily got to scrubbing, first the toilet, and then the tub, which had developed some sort of black dirt on the base.  Eventually the twins stopped in to see what Jim was up to, and seeing him on his knees furiously scrubbing his tub, they fell over laughing, and said something about how foolish he was just because a girl was coming over.  Jim didn’t care; he wanted it to be perfect.  He had it all planned out in his mind how it would go, or could go, if he played his cards right.

He called her some hours later and she said she was ready to be picked up.  Jim hurriedly drove over there, and she was waiting out front for him.  Jim’s jaw dropped when he saw her.  She had obviously cleaned herself up from when he picked her up this morning at the training store.  She wore makeup and what looked kind of like a gypsy dress.  To Jim’s eyes, she was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever been with, and by with, meaning, in close proximity, as Jim was a virgin.  She got in his car, and they exchanged greetings, Jim’s excitement level jumping dramatically.  She carried with her a bag, Jim supposing it to be her purse.  She leafed through it as Jim drove to Blockbuster.  She eventually pulled out some pictures, and what looked like a small black diary.  She showed Jim the pictures, several pictures of her and her family on different occasions, one with her boyfriend, Donny.  One picture struck Jim as an arrow from Cupid’s quiver.  It was a picture of Danielle, one she had taken herself, arm back, slightly holding the camera above her head.  The picture captured her face, not really smiling, almost expressionless, but her eyes, her eyes in this picture shone like giant azure orbs.  They were the most brilliant blue as if to disarm the most callous man.  It was an amazing photograph and instantly Jim wanted it.  She spoke somewhat disdainfully of it, saying how everyone said she looked like a psycho in it or something.  Jim disagreed, and mentioned her beautiful eyes.  “O yes.” She said, everyone loved her eyes, they said they were her best feature.  Jim hadn’t until this point really noticed her eyes in particular, kind of just casting her face in his mind in a certain mold and calling it beautiful.  He looked at them now, and they were a duller color of blue than the photograph, must have been the lighting he decided.  Still beautiful though, he judged.  They got out at the Blockbuster and picked out a movie to watch.  She really wanted to rent the new Patrick Swaysee movie featuring dancing teens in the Havana sun.  Jim obliged her on her choice, and also accepted a choice of a Wayan brother’s comedy featuring them as white women, appropriately titled, “White Chicks”.  Having paid for the rentals, Jim began driving them back to his apartment.

Nervously after having parked in his covered spot, Jim began leading her to the stairs which led the way to his apartment.  The tall swaying trees which covered the walkway moved back and forth gently as Jim and Danielle approached.  Their leaves were falling off every so often and riding a breeze of wind softly to the ground.  It was late September, and so this was fall, but in Phoenix Arizona, the beginning of fall didn’t signal the changing of the leaves so much as it did, the ending of another hot, and brutal summer.  It was cool enough now, for which Jim was glad, as they began climbing the steps of the stairs.  Jim was unreasonably nervous about bringing her home with him.  Things between them had gone well so far, he honestly didn’t have cause to be concerned.  But it was in Jim’s nature to worry, to look for the worst that could happen; Jim was decidedly a pessimist, though he hoped for the best.  They came in, and once again, Jim introduced his roommates, who she was already well acquainted with it seemed.  After chatting for a minute, Jim showed her around the apartment, his room, Paul’s room, and the living room.  Not much else there was to show.    They entered Jim’s room again and sat down on his bed, which was only a cheap air mattress.  Unfortunately for Jim, it already had a hole in it somewhere, and conspicuously leaked air.  She showed him her diary, which contained some interesting artwork, good by Jim’s standards, as he was no artist, poems, and several short stories.  She read a poem or two for him, and then showed him a story and told him to read it.  Jim proceeded to do so and immediately become intrigued by it.  It was a story of Danielle in high school, perhaps her first day of a new year, and meeting a new friend, Jonathan.  She described him as kind of nerdy, wearing a Metallica t-shirt and keeping to himself.  She quickly became good friends with him.  Over the course of the year they shared many things, love of music, church, school, and most of all friendship.  But not all was well with Jonathan.  He had a very troubled family life.  Danielle wrote how she often would be on the phone with him at night, and he would get cut off, only to find out he had been beaten savagely by his father.  One night after such a beating, Danielle writes, Jonathan wrote a suicide note, and shot himself to death.  She ended the story rather poetically with mentions of how she still thought of him when a certain song played, or she touched the Christian Fish necklace she always wore on her neck that he had given her.  Jim was rather amazed at her writing ability, and courage to show him a story which was obviously close to her.  “Jonathan was my best friend in this world you know.  You actually kind of remind me of him Jim.  Maybe that is why I felt I could share this with you.”  Danielle looked him in the eye as she said this, and the two of them shared a moment together, as the silence took hold for a minute.

Breaking the mood, she got up suddenly, taking her diary and went into Paul’s room, where he and Steven were reading issues of Fangoria.  Jim followed at a reluctant pace, slightly disappointed to have lost his time alone with her.  He entered Paul’s room where Danielle had positioned herself beside Steven on Paul’s bed, also an air mattress.  Jim stood for a minute, and eventually took a seat not far from Danielle by Paul’s desk. After a few minutes of talking, and Jim thought inappropriate joking around by his roommates, Steven had lain down to sleep and Danielle lay down next to him.  Instantly Jim felt jealousy touch his spine.  Steven, perhaps realizing it wasn’t the best idea to lay in the compromising position with his friend’s girl, got up to go to the living room.  Danielle continued to lay on Paul’s bed, apparently asleep.  Jim cautiously and gently lay down next to her.  He feigned sleep as well, but inside he was bursting at actually laying next to her in bed.  He idly thought, as nothing was happening, he could now tell his friends that he had slept with Danielle.  He knew he was a dork for thinking this, but it made him laugh all the same.  Without warning, Danielle also got up from the bed, making no notice of Jim having crept in beside and behind her.  Jim continued to act like he had innocently fallen asleep rather than appear as the pervert he might very well have been, even though he had done nothing improper laying next to her.  She went off into the other room, and silently, Jim cursed his bad fortune again.  He got up a short while later, and made the suggestion that they take the movies to her grandmother’s house to watch.  She agreed to that, and Jim cheered success, as it appeared to him, but not quite well enough, that he was competing for her attention in his own home with his friends.  As Jim went back into his room, to gather his wallet, and keys, Danielle and Steven seemed to get into an argument about something.  Jim had no idea what it was about, but when he came back into the living room, Steven was spouting obscenity at her, calling her a pathological liar, and a few other choice words.  Jim was abhorred at his roommate’s rude conduct, shot him an angry glance, and helped Danielle to the door.  She seemed no worse at all for the verbal thrashing Steven had given her, in fact she seemed almost to have enjoyed it, but Jim didn’t know why, it didn’t make any sense to him.

They came to her grandparent’s home; actually, it was her great grandparent’s home.  Her great grandfather was ill, and close to death, and that was why, she explained, she had moved in several months ago.  Jim met her great grandmother, an ancient woman, white hair and very aged skin.  She was smoking a Doral cigarette at the dining room table as they came in.  Jim greeted her in polite fashion, and she literally gushed to Danielle about how cute this boy was, with his dimples.  Jim blushed, causing his face to get even redder, and his dimples to show even more.  The old woman loved it, but relented in the unintended torment.  Jim briefly greeted her great grandfather who lay bed ridden in the next room.  Danielle led him to another living room with a TV and couch.  He sat down on the couch, and waited a few minutes as Danielle tended to her great grandfather.  Eventually she came back and set up the movie in the DVD player.  Rather than sit with Jim on the couch, she chose a spot close to the TV.  Jim was disappointed that she didn’t sit next to him, but he said, and did nothing.  They watched the movie, and Jim surprised himself by actually laughing a few times, as the cross dressing white Wayan brothers assumed the roles of rich sorority brats.  Before they started the next movie Jim moved over to where she sat, and together there they sat for the duration of the dancing Havana movie.  Danielle’s grandmother, her great grandmother’s daughter, a younger woman of about fifty came in and invited them to dinner.  They entered the dining room and sat down.  They offered Jim chicken and fish.  Privately Jim hated seafood; fish included and would never willingly eat it.  He took the fish though, surprising himself.  “I will try something new tonight.” He decided, already feeling himself on some kind of adventure.  Maybe I really do like fish; I just haven’t given it a chance in so many years.  He began to eat, and after biting into the fish, he knew he was mistaken.  He really did not like fish.  Fish made him ill.  Trying to save face, and not offend his hosts, he continued to eat.  Not finishing his fish, he cried fullness, and a very large lunch.  Danielle had no qualms about lifting it off his plate and shoving it into her mouth, for which Jim was eternally grateful.  She burped a short time later, whether from the fish or the coke she was religiously downing.  She laughed it off, and her grandmother scolded her sharply.  Her grandmother joked to Jim, “We tried taking her to finishing school, but it just didn’t take.”  “She is certainly no lady.”  Her grandmothers’ spoke reproachfully of her.  She seemed not at all distressed by the condemnation, taking it in stride.  Before going home for the night, Danielle showed Jim her room.  There wasn’t much to it, a small bed along the wall, and lots of sewing equipment, and blankets.  “I haven’t really gotten a chance to put too much of my own stuff in here, it’s all my grandmothers things.”  She explained the lack of her own personal touch.  They exchanged friendly goodbyes, and Jim thanked her grandmother for the meal and he left the house. “I made one hell of a first impression.” He thought feeling quite pleased with himself.

Jim thought things were going pretty well between him and Danielle, as even the next day she called him to see if he would take her up to the community college to get tested for math.  At first, Jim felt like maybe this would turn into something that he’d gotten into a year earlier, where he just fell hopelessly in love with a girl and all she was looking for was a driver.  He decided to dodge giving the ride question to see how she reacted.  “You know, I promised my sister I would take her to the store today.”  Jim said, and it wasn’t necessarily a lie.  “O that’s fine.  I just thought maybe you would like to hang out with me some more.  I like spending time with you.”  Danielle confessed.  That was good enough for Jim, but then again, he wasn’t exactly a hard sell, and this obviously wasn’t her first time selling.  “I’ll call you in a little while after I’m done with the thing with my sister and we can go down and take the test, hell, I might even take it.  I haven’t taken math in years though.”  Jim said.  In fact math was one of the things Jim hated most; it had always confused him with all its complex rules, numbers and symbols.  “Ok, see you in a little while!” she gushed to him on the phone.  Jim’s heart started beating a little faster in his chest.  He was doing well he had to keep telling himself, he had to steady his nerves.  Never before had a girl shown this kind of interest in him.  He was ecstatic, yet curiously pessimistic about his chances.  She only wants you for your car.  She has a boyfriend.  The voice inside his head echoed these comments over and over again.  The boyfriend thing did kind of worry him.  He had a bad track record of toppling the boyfriend from the girl of his dreams wish list.  He usually got to be backup guy.  The guy the girl would call when she had a fight with her boyfriend, or was bored, and any other number of things.  Then when he was with her she would undoubtedly prattle on endlessly about her precious boyfriend, or better yet call him, and let Jim sit as an unwilling captive to their whole sickening conversation.  No, Jim definitely did not want to go through that again.  He would have to tell Danielle so before too much longer, even if that meant he would lose her.  He could not be that guy again, it sucked.

They were on the road to the college, Jim doing his best to look like the cool, confident, funny guy he didn’t feel like inside.  Danielle seemed not to notice either way, which made things a tad easier.  She seemed more interested in smoking her Marlboro red cigarette at the moment.  She began to do so as soon as Jim gave his consent to it.  He just told her he didn’t want his car to smell like cigarette smoke.  So she was careful to keep it outside the window and blow the smoke the same way.  They stopped at a gas station across the street from the college before heading over there.  His tank was almost empty and what better time to fill it.  They both got out and he began fueling.  They idly talked for a few moments.  She was smoking her cigarette, pretty stupid thing to do at a fuel pump, but Jim said nothing.  Even more foolish, she dropped her cigarette.  As she bent to pick it up, Jim was treated to a generous eyeful of her ass in the short jean shorts she had on.  “Mercy, mercy” he thought to himself as he checked her out making himself obvious enough that as she rose back up, she noticed.  “Were you looking at my ass?”  She demanded of him.  “Honestly, I was.  It’s very nice.”  He said sheepishly.  His face probably turned red, but that might have been the summer heat.  Goddamn, Phoenix was hot in the summer.  She chastised him a moment, but quickly forgot about it.  They finished getting gas, and headed over to the college.

He parked at the college in the visitor’s parking, and they began walking together towards the admissions office.  After checking with some low level clerk behind the desk, they were directed to another building which is where the tests were being held.  They paused a minute after reaching the testing center’s doors, so that Danielle could get the last few drags from her cigarette.  “Ok, now we can go in.” she said, as she smashed the bud into the sand lined moat surrounding the trash cylinder.  They entered and signed in. They were assigned test numbers and were sent into a very well air conditioned room to their right.  They didn’t sit right next to each other, but close enough that they could still speak comfortably before the test began.  “I’m really good at math so this should be easy for me.” She whispered to him.  “I’m not so you will probably do better than me.” Jim said, not feeling all that confident with his math knowledge.  “The test begins now, no talking.” The testing administrator intoned from behind her desk at the front of the room.  The test was tough for Jim, he had to admit.  He had to wrack his brain all the way back to his junior year of high school, which was the last year he had taken math.  What was the quadratic formula again?  Jim couldn’t remember.  With a grave amount of doubt Jim finished his test and turned it in to the administrator.  Danielle had already finished several minutes before he was done.  Queerly, she did not wait for him to finish, but had walked to Jim’s car to wait.  They would get their results in the mail, so Jim did not linger at the counter, but hurried after her.  As he reached the outer limit of the parking lot, he spotted her, standing next to his car.  He began walking in that direction, but also noticed she was speaking to someone, a guy.  Jim’s heart sank a little, some old friend of hers maybe.  The two of them looked up from their conversation as Jim approached.  “Hi there, how are you doing?  I’m Jeff Patterson.  I’m not hitting on your girlfriend, I promise you.” The young man named Jeff said.  He had a cocky, confident manner about him.  He also seemed a bit nervous to have Jim walk up on them.  “We aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.” Danielle explained for Jeff’s benefit.  “O, I see.” Jeff grinned at Jim.  “Fuck buddies.”  The words hung in the air a second, and might have easily been shouted down by Danielle, but Jim spoke up, “Yep, that’s right.”  Danielle changed from looking at Jeff, to looking at Jim with shocked expression.  Her jaw had dropped a little, but she didn’t deny it.  Jim took small pleasure for that, and mentally patted himself on the back for speaking up.  “Cool, cool.  Anyway, as I was telling your friend here, I’m selling magazine subscriptions…”  Jeff proceeded to give his whole selling spiel.  Were Jim alone, he almost certainly would have just told Jeff to take a walk.  As it was, Danielle seemed interested.  Whether that interest lay in the magazines or Jeff, Jim knew not.  He did notice an Xbox magazine he wouldn’t mind getting.  “I’ll take that one.” he told Jeff, pointing to the catalog.  Danielle also picked up a magazine for herself, courtesy of Jim of course, to be delivered to her grandmother’s house.  They quickly drove with Jeff across campus to the ATM to get money out to pay him.  Jim coughed up the $60 dollars, and they bid farewell to Jeff.

“Can I please drive your car?”  Danielle looked into Jim’s eyes and begged him.  His mind was firmly against it, but his heart, and perhaps lower areas relented.  “Ok, but you got to listen to me, and be careful.”  He cautioned.  “Of course, of course I will.”  She hurriedly agreed.  She ran over and took his keys.  They both got in and she started the ignition.  Jim was regretting several things concurrently at the moment, having just given away a precious $60 to a complete stranger, having no idea if magazines would ever arrive as promised, and letting this girl drive which he also wasn’t totally sure about, especially behind the wheel of his car.  She pulled out of the campus lot, and onto the street.  She lit a cigarette, and began smoking that out of the window.  As they came up to the first red light, her cell phone began to ring.  She answered it, and began speaking in rapid tones.  Jim didn’t know who it was, but he could sort of guess her boyfriend.  After a short while, she handed the phone to Jim, and said “He wants to speak to you.”  Jim accepted the phone with trepidation, unhappy about being forced to communicate with some unknown guy, who was also at the moment, his biggest rival.  “Hi.”  Jim spoke neutrally.  “Hey.” The guy on the other end answered.  Jim could only wonder what must be going through his mind right now.  Jim felt like a boy with his hand caught in the cookie jar.  “Danielle said you guys could come pick me up and go to McDonalds.”  The other guy said.  Jim did remember hearing that just a moment ago in their conversation.  Jim glanced once at Danielle, who was solely focused on driving, and smoking.  Jim had absolutely no desire to pick this guy up, and hang out with him.  He started to panic a little.  This is going to be even worse than with Jane.  Jane was the girl Jim had obsessed over during senior year.  She was the girl who had a boyfriend, and Jim had been a backup.  She was the girl who after Jim had treated her to a nice movie, and was driving her home, jumped on her cell phone with her boyfriend in Texas, leaving Jim feeling like a complete idiot.  Even that humiliation paled in comparison to actually accompanying a couple on what might as well be a date.  Like some force against his will, Jim agreed to the other guy that they would go pick him up.  Despair gripped Jim as he felt a vice closing over his head.  He had honestly felt from their conversation that Danielle wanted her boyfriend along on the trip, and what was he supposed to do?  Act like a jerk and say no?  He was caught in that trap of being a nice guy.  Fuck, he thought to himself, fuck.  After getting off the phone with him, Jim handed it back to Danielle, and said, “I guess we’re picking him up.” Rather despondently.  “What?” she asked, “Why the fuck would you agree to do that?” she said, rather angrily.  Jim had to admit he was shocked by her outburst.  He had just agreed to do something he clearly loathed out of deference to her feelings.  He thought he had been doing her a favor.  Apparently Jim had a lot to learn about women.  “I thought you wanted him to come along.”  Jim said rather lamely, obviously confused.  “Why the hell would I want my boyfriend to come along with us and meet you?”  It didn’t make any sense to Jim either, and yet here it was happening, like a collusion with a freight train after being tied down to the tracks.  No avoiding it.

So she drove to Donny’s house, her boyfriend.  He got in the rear passenger seat and they began to drive towards McDonalds.  The awkwardness was so thick you needed a knife to cut it.  All the charm that Jim had been trying to exude to Danielle earlier in the day vanished, and was replaced by Jim entering a shell which all but proclaimed, “I have no idea why I am in the car with your girlfriend driving around.  I’m a nice guy and would never try to steal away the love of your life.  Can I get you a drink?”  Well perhaps the drink part was a little far fetched, but the rest is definitely the attitude that Jim was sending Donny.  Donny for his part was doing his best to ignore Jim, like he didn’t exist.  He instead focused on chiding Danielle for driving a car without having a license or a permit.  Caught in the middle, Danielle didn’t know quite how to act, except to express absolute annoyance at Donny for getting after her.  The ride was for the most part quiet besides the quiet puffs taken by Donny and Danielle on their respective cigarettes.  They reached McDonalds and went inside.  Jim and Donny looked at each other, finally, face to face.  Hard looks crossed both their faces.  “Was that hatred he saw staring back at him?”  Jim wondered.  Danielle stood between them and was visibly forcing them to focus on the menu.  When it became clear, that Donny either didn’t have any money, or wasn’t willing to pay for anything, Jim pulled out his wallet.  “We should bring food back to the twins.”  Danielle announced her grand strategy to defuse this tense situation.  And so they got multiple meals worth and went back to the car.  If Jim had been thinking more clearly, he would have gotten his keys back from Danielle, and driven his car himself.  As it was he felt like he was chained down to his seat and on a horrifying rollercoaster ride.  She took obvious joy from getting to drive, and he didn’t begrudge her that, much.  They got back to Jim’s apartment where the twins were home, and Jim’s only thought was, “O, great, now this guy knows exactly where I live.”  It wasn’t an encouraging thought when your prime goal was stealing away that guy’s girlfriend.  The twins came outside, and everybody ate for a minute.  Jim did not want the guy inside his house, and he didn’t think he could handle much more of this crazy situation.  Finally, he took his keys back from Danielle, and told her that he was taking the two of them home.  Donny looked glad to be going, Jim couldn’t really tell, the light was leaving for the day, but he think he would have wanted to, given the situation.  Hell this situation made him wants to end this thing right now.  He dropped Donny off first, and the inglorious ingrate had the audacity to kiss Danielle, and say, “Love you baby.” before exiting Jim’s car.

Something kind of overtook Jim as they began driving away.  He didn’t know whether something inside him snapped, or he just was not going to put up with another horrible, painful three way triangle he had gone through before.  “Danielle, you got to admit, that was pretty fucking awkward.”  Jim swallowed.  “I just couldn’t do that anymore.”  Jim felt like maybe he was exploding inside, but he managed to keep his cool.  “I’m so sorry that happened.  I didn’t intend for that to happen at all!”  She explained.  “I actually don’t even want to go out with him anymore, but whenever I bring up us breaking up, he starts crying, and I just can’t stand to see him cry.”  The story behind their relationship all started to gush out of her at once.  Jim felt a slap of maturity, as he began to respond to what she had said.  “Danielle, you can’t live your life trying to make someone else happy.  You have to live your life to make yourself happy.  Staying with someone just because you’re afraid to hurt someone, that isn’t love; you will only end up hurting both of you in the end.”  Jim had no idea where such sagely wisdom had come from, and wasn’t all that surprised that he had manipulated it in such a way as to put himself in a better bargaining position.  At the moment though, he played the consoling friend.  “I agree with you Jim, I do.  But it’s really hard to give up on someone you know.  I don’t want to hurt Donny, but honestly, I’m more afraid that nobody else would even want to go out with me.”  She sounded meekly pathetic in the last line, and Jim couldn’t resist swooping to her rescue.  “I would.”  Maybe that line was pathetic too, but goddamnit, Jim said it sincerely.  He realized also, that his saying that, tipped his hand.  But it would stand out with him, as one of the more poignant moments in his life thus far.  She responded by smiling, and saying, “Thanks.”  It wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement or a promise to fulfill, but it was something, she noted his interest.  He drove her the rest of the way home in near silence, both of them clearly thinking over what had just transpired that afternoon.  They arrived, and she got out and came over to the driver’s window.  “Thanks for today Jim; I’ll call you later ok?”  “Ok.  Think over what I said alright?”  Jim said to her, hoping she knew he meant what he had said to her as a friend, that she should find happiness away from Donny, even if it wasn’t with him.  She agreed and walked up the driveway and opened the door into the house.  Jim watched her until she went inside, and then he drove home.

Jim arrived home himself in short order, his nerves feeling a little raw from the strange fate that had brought him in connection with Danielle’s boyfriend, and his conversation with her that followed.  He decided that he would go running.  Back when he lived with his parents, Jim would often run at the park to clear his head, and maybe just gain a little perspective.  He would need help he thought.  He called his friend David.  David was a Hungarian immigrant and spoke with a severe accent that you could hardly understand him.  He was also very overweight, and very sensitive about it, so sensitive in fact that he regularly choked people in high school, and was humiliatingly mean to them so that they wouldn’t have a chance to make fun of him.  He was also laugh out loud funny, and had a wry sarcastic sense of humor.  If nothing else, David could use the exercise, and so he agreed to come running with Jim.  Before leaving the house, Jim divested himself of everything he deemed nonessential to running, taking only his keys, to let himself back into his apartment.  He could have driven his car to the park, which was a couple miles away, but it had been tradition for Jim to run there first, as a warm-up.

Jim arrived at the park and David showed up a short time later.  They jogged the length of the park, and walked the width.  It was during the walking phase that Jim opened up to David about his concerns regarding Danielle, specifically how awkward it was being the third wheel.  Whether David helped clear his mind, or Jim unloading his worries by talking helped, he didn’t know, but he felt better as he ran home for the night.  Jim arrived home and immediately jumped in the shower, taking a cold one to cool down from the run.  After getting out, his roommate mentioned how his phone had rang quite a bit.  Jim checked his phone and it said he had thirty-four missed calls, all from Danielle.  Jim was stunned; he wasn’t sure whether to be very flattered or a bit scared.  Jim had only been away from his phone for an hour, and she had tried very hard to get a hold of him.  He called her back to see what she wanted.  They talked for a little while, Jim explaining how he had been out running without his phone, and she explaining her need to call him thirty-four times.  “Jim, I want to break up with Donny, but I don’t think it’s a good idea right now, it’s his birthday on Tuesday, and I’m supposed to plan something with his mom.”  Danielle explained.  “Well I can understand how you wouldn’t want to break up with him on his birthday, but Danielle, on the other hand if this isn’t working, than it isn’t working right?”  Jim said trying to be sympathetic.  “My mom thinks I should break up with him, she doesn’t like him at all.”  “Well do what you think is best, I’ve said my piece.”  Jim swallowed, “I think you know how I feel about it, and you, I like you.”  After several seconds of silence Danielle answered,  “Well I like you too Jim, but even if I break up with Donny, I can’t start dating you right away, I’ll need some time for myself.”  Jim’s mind was racing, did he actually convince this girl to dump her boyfriend and get her thinking about dating him?  Play it cool Jim, he told himself.  “Danielle, that’s fine, I understand, take your time.  The important thing is that you’re happy, and your taking care of yourself, I’m happy being your friend for now.”  “Aww, Jim you’re so sweet.”  Danielle purred.  They said their goodbyes shortly thereafter, and Jim went to bed, dreaming dreams of great success with his current crush.

The next few weeks passed rather uneventfully, Danielle did break up with her boyfriend, so she said, and Jim gave her the space she wanted for herself, not bringing up dating her again in that time.  She came over to Jim’s apartment every so often, but Jim often had to fight for her attention, as it frequently transmitted to his roommates.  It was one such day, where she was at his apartment, and Jim had to go to work, it was early afternoon, and normally he would have taken her home, but she made plans to go with Steven and Paul somewhere, and then she would be dropped off.  Jim said his goodbyes, and went off to work, blissfully unaware of the ax that was about to drop on his happy life.  He got off work and came home, and his usually rowdy roommates were quite subdued.  He thought nothing of it and went into his room.  He called Danielle to see how she was doing, she seemed a bit off in the text messages they had been sending.  She sounded upset, so instantly Jim was concerned, “What’s wrong?”  “Nothing, I don’t want to talk about it right now….Have you talked to Steven?”  “No, why?”  “No reason, forget it, I’ll tell you later.”  She ended the call rather abruptly.  Jim wanted some answers from her, but she wasn’t providing any right now.  Jim was tired and went to bed, the disturbing phone call not yet unraveling his fragile psyche.

Jim slept in the next morning, only being awakened by a phone call from Danielle; she was at work, and wanted to talk to him on her break, in person.  “Sure, I’ll be right down.”  Jim was nervous, but also oddly hopeful, perhaps she is ready to go out with me, he thought.  He quickly showered and drove to the grocery store.  He met her in the break room and they sat down in one of the table booths provided for lunches and breaks.  She seemed really nervous and a tad bit upset, and was having trouble talking, a first from Jim’s experience, she could talk the ears off a horse.  “You’re going to be mad at me.” She said in a nasally little kid voice, that was to become a prophetic omen of doom for many of their future encounters.  “Why, what happened?  Are you finally going to tell me or what?”  Jim asked, coming up a little short of breath, trying to prepare himself for the worst possible thing she could say.  In his mind the worst possible thing she could tell him was that she fucked his roommate on his bed and they rubbed their genitals and body juices all over his pillow and blankets.  Thank god for small favors, they didn’t have sex on his bed or in his room.  Danielle told Jim that she had slept with Steven.  Jim was devastated, absolutely crushed.   Everything else that she told him after that just kind of washed over him only to be absorbed later on when he would agonize over every excruciating detail.  Finally he stopped her, “Enough, I don’t want to hear any more, the details will just make it worse.”  “This is weird, but telling you was hard, hard like having to tell my mom or something.”  She said, perhaps not realizing the sword she had plunged into his heart was still emboweled.  Jim felt physically ill, and had to leave, as he got up, she made a move as if to stop him, but didn’t.  “Don’t be mad at me ok?”  She almost pleaded with him as if he were a priest at a confessional.  Jim ran from the room, left the store and headed to his car.  His mind was racing, full of agony, confusion and pain.  Replaying over and over in his mind what she told him and how it had been when he left for work the day before.  As he began to drive and pull out of the parking lot, he started to scream.  Heartrending screams of anger and pain.  A torrent of curses poured out of him in that short drive back to his apartment.  He parked in his space, and sat for several minutes, trying to get a handle on his feelings and emotions.  Steven was up in the apartment, possibly still sleeping for all he knew.  There was a confrontation there just waiting for him.  Confronting him could cause this arrangement of roommates to break apart and force Jim to move home to his parents.  That would be a huge blow to his pride, for one his parents didn’t think he could take care of himself on his own.  Furthermore he was signed to a fourteen month lease, and had only been there for two months.  For now he thought, he wouldn’t confront Steven, not until he talked to someone, gained some kind of perspective on this sickening news.

Jim finally dragged himself from the car and headed to the stairs of his apartment.  He trudged up them reluctantly.  After the heated emotion of the first few minutes had burned out, it had been replaced by a cold wave of overwhelming sadness.  “God hates me” Jim declared, that was why he was never allowed to be happy.  Something always had to happen to mess everything up.  “I was so close.”  Jim thought.  He went into the apartment and headed to his room to lie on his bed.  As he crossed the living room, he glanced at Steven’s bed in the corner of the room, and winced.  That bed would be a daily reminder of the pain Jim felt at this moment.  He moved on into his bedroom and closed the door.  He lay on his bed a moment, and then picked up his phone.  Amazingly it began to ring.  Jim answered it quickly, “Hello?”  “Hey.” It was Joan, his friend from work.  Over the past month Joan and Jim had spent a lot of time emailing and instant messaging.  They shared a mutual passion for writing and that was what originally sparked many a conversation. She was also an invaluable tome of knowledge for Jim into the inner workings of the female mind.  Recently though, her husband had expressed concern to her as to why she, a thirty-four year old married woman was spending so much time talking online to a nineteen year old male coworker.  “I’ve got to tell you something Joan.” Jim blurted out.  “Ok, what?”  “Hold on a minute, I’ve got to get out of my apartment.”  Jim left his apartment quickly, carrying his phone to his ear.  He began to walk through the complex, heading towards the pool, and laundry center.  He finally found a stone bench to sit at that was in the shade, and thankfully devoid of listening ears.  He didn’t know of any other way to sugar coat it, other than to just tell her.  “Danielle slept with Steven.”  There were several seconds of silence from Joan, as she processed this news.  Jim had had many conversations with Joan about his feelings for Danielle, so she instantly knew this news had hit him hard.  “Wow, how did you find this out?”  Joan asked, concerned.  “She told me this morning, apparently happened yesterday.”  They talked for a while longer about Danielle, Joan’s opinion of her obviously dropped that she would sleep with Jim’s friend.  Almost without warning, Joan began to cry.  Jim was instantly concerned, “What’s wrong Joan?  Why are you crying?”  “Don and I have been fighting; he doesn’t think its right that a married woman with children is friends with a nineteen year old man.”  Jim was also quiet for several seconds, putting aside his own grief, angry at himself, as he realized he was the cause of Joan’s predicament.  He never meant to cause her marital distress; he just really enjoyed having her as a friend.  “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to cause problems for you.  Whenever you asked if it was appropriate to talk to me, I always said as long as your husband didn’t have a problem with it, which he obviously now does.  I just don’t have a lot of friends that I can really talk to.”  Joan cried harder, though it was obvious she was trying to get a hold of herself.  “Jim, I don’t have a lot of friends either, but I’m deleting my messenger account.  I won’t be online anymore.”  Jim swallowed, “I feel like I’m losing a friend.”  “Me too.” She said.  They exchanged goodbyes, and Jim got up and began walking to his car.  This day was getting bizarre.  He sat in his car but didn’t turn it on.  He just loathed the thought of going back into his apartment right now.  He wasn’t sure if he would try strangling Steven in his sleep.

He called his friend David, explained what happened, and David said he would be over shortly so they could talk about it.  It began to get too hot sitting in the car, so Jim went back inside.  By this time Steven was up and about, preparing breakfast for himself.  “Fat fuck doesn’t need to eat anymore.” Jim muttered to himself as he passed by the kitchen.  That was one of the things that really bewildered Jim; why in the hell would Danielle sleep with his very fat roommate over him?  Jim wasn’t tremendously vain, but he knew he was a hell of a lot better looking than Steven.  David arrived a short time later, and as he came in, Steven greeted him friendly enough, “What’s up dude?”  “What’s up?  I guess what was up was your penis.”  David said to him in his thick easterner European accent.  Steven didn’t quite understand him, “Huh?”  Jim understood him just fine, and pushed David out the door in a hurry.  After the door closed, David began to laugh; Jim was slightly angry, but also laughed from the somewhat funny situation.  “I haven’t talked to him yet, and there you go, running your mouth.”  They went to Chipotle to eat.  As they ate their burritos, they began to talk.  “I can’t believe she would do this to me man, I really liked her.” Jim said in between bites of his suberb burrito.  “What can I say? Women are cunts.” David pointed out bluntly.  “And my fucking roommate, how the hell do you do that to your friend.  He knew I liked her, she wasn’t my girlfriend yet, but fuck, he knew better.  What about bros before hos?”  Jim inquired.  “I guess he missed the memo…but seriously, is this girl really that important?  Why not still try to fuck her and you guys can make an orgy out of it?” David stated as though he was quoting New Testament gospel.  “Your not helping me man…”  Jim moaned.  In reality though, the words David spoke did have an effect.  They floated around his mind and settled somewhat into this philosophy, “Yeah, she may have hurt your feelings, but you don’t love this girl. Also you have made it into your life’s mission to have a girlfriend and get laid, keep working on it with her, she will probably put out.”

So feeling somewhat uplifted from his talk with David, Jim made his way back home, and his inevitable disscussion with Steven.  He walked through the front door and Steven was in the refrigerator getting something to eat.  “Steven, come sit down and let’s talk in the living room.” Jim asked.  Steven obliged, and they were both soon sitting on the couch across from each other.  “Jim, I got to tell you something.”  Steven spoke quickly, probably to relieve the enormous guilt he must have felt.  “I Know.  Danielle told me this morning.”  Jim said, cutting him off.  “O, that’s good I guess.  I mean I would have wanted to be the first to tell you about it, you know, but I just haven’t gotten the chance.” Steven stammered.  He continued, “The thing is, this was like a one time thing, I don’t even really like her that much.”  That pissed Jim off a little bit more.  Steven continued, “She kind of pressured me into it, yesterday after you went to work, we were kind of just horsing around, wrestling a little on my bed, and a…Do you want to hear about it?”  Steven asked.  “Sadly, I do, I want to hear your version of it.” Jim said flatly.  “So we were messing around, and we started kissing a little, I guess, and I stopped that, said I didn’t want to do that.  So she starts calling me gay, like I’m some kind of fag.”  Steven’s face becomes angry and red at this part of the story.  “You know from my past that I have some issues with that, I’m not gay.”  Jim did recall vaguely Steven mentioning something about being molested by his priest when he was younger in Wisconsin.  “I believe you Steve, you didn’t have to fuck my girl to prove it either asshole.”  Jim said rather heatedly.  “I know, I’m sorry about that.  The truth is, not that much happened, she got on top of me and I went inside of her and that’s about it.”  Steven said.  “You didn’t even finish?” Jim wondered.  “No, we only did it for like a minute or so, she didn’t even have her shirt off or anything.”  “Really?”  For some odd reason this made Jim feel better about the whole thing, not much of a consolation, but he took it for what it was worth.  “Yeah, and then I drove her home, and on the way home this Sevendust song was on and she replayed it over and over.”  “Huh.”  Jim had had an assful of this god awful story, and proceeded to rip his roommate a new asshole.  “You know I liked this girl right?  Your a total fucking douche for fucking me over like this.  You don’t betray your friends, that fucking sucks.  The worst part is your probably going to hell now.”  “Your probably right.” Steven agreed.  They looked at each other a moment and kind of laughed at the crazy situation they were in.  “Are we cool man?”  Steven asked sincerely.  Jim didn’t really feel all that cool, but he was a nice guy and didn’t want to continue the bad blood.  “Yeah, we’re cool.  You know what would be really funny?”  At which point they discussed how great a joke it would be to trick Paul when he got home from work and play out this melodrama for his benefit, except making it even more elaborate.

Paul arrived home a few short hours later, tired from a long days work, no idea what a shit storm awaited him in his apartment.  Steven quickly pulled him aside after he came in, and told him he had fucked Jim’s girl, and Jim had no idea, ha ha ha.  Paul became pretty concerned, but Steven swore him to secrecy. Paul went into Jim’s room, to see how he was doing.  Jim was sitting on his bed, with his high school year book out.  “Hey Paul, you know looking through these photos from high school remind me of this one time when I kicked the shit out of this guy who messed with my girl.”  “Huh, thats a great story.”  Paul was putting two and two together and realizing he had a time bomb on his hands.  He left Jim’s room and Jim followed him out into the living room.  “Hey Jim I gotta tell you something.”  Steven called out to him.  “Shut the fuck up Steven!” Paul roared.  Steven laughed, “Hey Jim, I fucked Danielle!”  Although anticipating the bit, and ready to play his part, Jim still felt the sting of the words and the laughter that echoed it.  It really was a little too fresh to joke about.  “No way! You couldn’t have!” Jim said shocked expression on his face.  “I did!  I fucked her in the ass right where I’m standing!”  He proceeded to make the motions of doggy style for Jim and Paul to see.  Steven continued to laugh hysterically.  Paul was becoming furious, he rushed over and pushed Steven into the couch.  “Stop being such a fucking asshole Steven!”  Paul looked over at Jim and saw the realistic tears streaming down his face.  The tears were real enough, Jim hadn’t realized how emotional this acting would be.  He ran to his room, and within seconds burst back into the living room with a 27in samurai blade raised above his head, and a crazy look in his eye.  Paul went from being his brother’s attacker, to being his defender in the blink of an eye.  He rushed over to Jim and told him to put the sword away, blocking his path.  Steven called from behind them, “Damn that pussy was nice!”  Paul looked back at Steven and once again told him “Shut the Fuck up!”  The situation was getting out of hand, and Jim decided it was time to end it and withdrew to his room with his sword.

The next couple of days were difficult, they had let Paul in on the little prank, and he was mad about it, but soon got over it.  Unfortunately the fact remained that Steven had fucked Danielle and there was no escaping that fact, at least not for Jim.  He obsessed over it, lost sleep over it.  One night rather late, he was up watching the movie, The Day After Tommorow, a movie where global warming is actually chasing and killing people, pretty serious stuff.  About half-way through the movie, Jim got a call from Danielle.  She didn’t sound well, in fact she sounded pretty preoccupied.  They had spoken a few times since the Talk, but there was an obvious unease between them.  Regardless, Jim enjoyed hearing her voice, and that she was calling and thinking of him.  Soon a male voice was audible on her end of the phone.  “Who’s that?” Jim asked.  “I gotta go Jim, bye.” She hung up the phone quickly.  That was weird, Jim thought, but the boredom he had felt throughout the movie was catching up with him and soon put him to sleep, never finding out if Dennis Quaid was able to resuce the Brokeback cowboy.  Jim found out later that that late night phone call was the prelude to Danielle fucking another guy, this time her brother’s best friend, RJ.  Once again Jim was horrified, not so much about the act because he didn’t request any details, but because he had talked to her right before, and was certain he had heard the guy’s voice telling her to get off the phone so he could fuck her.  It made Jim sick.  A lot of things these days were making Jim sick.  He was heartsick.  It was Jane all over again, he could feel it.  He would drive her places and hear about guys she was fucking, Jim’s worst nightmare.

After three days of moping around Danielle had invited Jim to go to the State Fair with her.  Jim hadn’t been to the state fair since he was a kid.  His family had been poor, so even when they did go, he hadn’t gone on any rides or done anything too fun, except pet the barn yard animals which graced the stables.  Jim drove over to Danielle’s grandparent’s house, the first time being over since finding out she had been with her brother’s friend there.  He didn’t want to wait around, but Danielle’s great grandmother insisted that they eat something and so together they ate grilled cheese sandwiches, cookies, and Coca-Cola.  On the drive over to the fair grounds they had a nice conversation.  “I want to put everything behind us, and just have a good day today, ok Jim?”  Danielle asked.  “I want to too.”  Jim said.  He wanted to put it all behind him, but in reality he wished it had never happened.  “Do you regret those things that you did, with Steven, and RJ, would you take them back if you could?”  Jim asked earnestly looking for some redeeming value for himself.  “No.  I don’t regret anything I do.  Its in my past and something I experienced, I’m not going to regret it.” Danielle stated matter of factly.  It was exactly the opposite response that Jim had been hoping to hear.  “O, ok.”  Jim couldn’t really refute that logic, although he was thinking, “Those were mistakes that you shouldn’t have made.  You could have just been with me.”  She knew how he felt, or she should have by now known, and didn’t want to repeat himself here.  It would only make him seem weak.  Regardless Jim did determine to have a good time and have fun.  After paying $10 bucks to park his car they walked to the entrance.  At the street light before they crossed to enter the fair, a vendor was selling wristbands that gave the wearer unlimited rides for the day for only $20 a piece.  Sensing a deal, Jim promptly bought two wristbands for them, and tickets for them to enter the park.  They milled around a bit upon entering taking in the large scope of the fair.

They decided to take the monorail to get an overhead view of everything there was to see in the park.  Instantly the wristband became useful as they waltzed aboard and took their seats.  Jim had something of a fear of heights but he managed to contain his fear as they dangled in a little metal box suspended hundreds of feet above the earth.  Gripping the safety rail in front of him, Jim engaged Danielle in some friendly conversation.  He spied a military station set up well below and mentioned that his brother, a marine, had recently returned from a tour of duty in Iraq.  He knew she was something of a navy brat, having been raised partly by her great grandfather who was a 20 year navy veteran and 20 year police veteran.  She had also been in the ROTC program at her high school, earning high scores.  “Did you know I met Sen. McCain before?  I was getting approved to go to Annapolis to become an officer.”  She said speaking highly of herself.  “Wow, that is pretty cool.  Are you going to go?”  Jim inquired.  “I would have  gone in a few months, but because my grandfather became sick, and I have been caring for him, I will probably end up going next year.” she said.  Jim was impressed, she sounded goal oriented and motivated to do something she was very interested in, Jim was jealous.  No such goals loomed in his mind other than the immeadiate kill beside him.  The monorail ride ended and they walked around a bit until coming upon a circular plane shaped ride.

“I want to ride it!” Danielle shouted.  “Ok.” Jim said, she raced aboard and he gingerly did as well, “I just hope its not a spinning ride.”  Not only did the ride spin, but the circular plane was connected to an axle on a pivot point which moved the ride in all directions.  By the time the ride ended, Jim’s balance, and equilibrium was severely off.  “Wasn’t that fun?” She exclaimed.  “O, a blast.” Jim said, trying not to fall over.  “Oooo, I want to do that one next!”  She pointed to the ride 50 yards in front of them.  It was the carnival ride where you sit in a little bucket and spin around really fast and gyroscope in every direction.  Jim was not thrilled, but he tried not to let it show.  “Sure, whatever you want to do.”  She seemed almost to bounce over to the ride in her excitement.  Jim for his part walked with a grim determination, as though he going to conquer all doubt in his mind.  They climbed aboard, and almost instantly Jim knew he had made a fatal mistake.  The previous ride may as well have been standing still compared to how fast and furious this present ride spun and shoke them.  Danielle loved it and had her arms in the air.  Jim gripped the safety bar, closed his eyes, and began reciting the Lord’s prayer.

Thankfully for Jim, the ride ended, five minutes later.  By the time Jim stumbled off the bucket he was so disoriented as to be almost unconscious. A carnie barker began shouting excitedly at Jim as they passed close by, “Hey there champ!  Win your lady a prize!  Show her what you got champ!  Step right up, only a dollar!”  Jim looked over at the barker with a glazed expression.  He tried explaining he didn’t feel well, but no words actually came out.  For the first time, Danielle seemed to notice Jim wasn’t feeling so hot.  “Hey, you look a little pale, you want to sit down a bit?”  Jim nodded his head slightly, thankful for the brief respite, and intervention with the angry barker.  They found a wire mesh bench seat not far from the ride they had just exited.  Jim plopped down, but did not feel any better.  In fact he was beginning to feel worse.  Feeling his bowels about to come out of his mouth, Jim rushed forward to the trashcan in front of them, gripping it on either side.  A small girl and her father were next to the can, throwing away some trash.  Jim projectile vomited grilled cheese, cookie, and Coca-Cola directed into the can.  His aim was impressive, masterful in fact, but that did not stop the fine mist of vomit cloud from rising up and pelting everyone within a few feet.  The little girl shrieked, and ran off, her father shooting Jim an angry look before chasing after his daughter.  Danielle thought it was the most hilarious thing she had ever seen, and proceeded to tell Jim so.  “Throwing up on our first date doesn’t exactly make a great impression does it?”  Jim asked, trying to relieve some of the embarrassment he felt.  He wiped his face with his forearm, and determined he needed to seek the shelter of a restroom facility at the earliest convience.  “I’m sorry Jim, I shouldn’t laugh, I hope you are ok, but you should have seen the expression on that girl’s face, Ahhhh!  Hahahaha.”  Danielle laughed, relating the scene once again.  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.  I need to find a bathroom, and wash my mouth out, it stinks.” Jim said, and they began the search.

It was early afternoon still, and the sun was high in the sky, but not searingly hot thankfully.  They walked around through tight alleys of rides and games, and food stands, making their way to the center of the carnival where a giant collesium rose out of the earth.  “This is where the Phoenix Suns used to play their games, I went to the last one they played here with my father when I was a boy.”  Jim remarked thinking back many years.  Whether she thought his comment was interesting or not, she didn’t remark, but rather they walked their separate ways as they neared their respective rest rooms.  Jim cleaned himself as best he could, wiping all residue from his arms and face.  He gargled water from the faucet for a minute or so, attempting to rinse the stink out of his mouth.  He couldn’t very well hope to kiss her with vomit breath, could he, he thought.

They meet back up outside the collesium after the brief interlude.  “What do you want to do now?” Jim asked.  “I want to go on more rides!” Danielle said excitedly.  “Ok, just no more spinning ones ok?”  Jim said.  “Ok.” She agreed.  They walked around a bit more, evaulating various rides on their potential vomit factor, until they came across the Death Drop.  The Death Drop was a Superman styled ride, in that it took a group of people 200 feet in the air and then dropped them, only slowing and stopping the ride in the last 10 feet and couple of seconds.  “I want to ride that one!”  Danielle pointed at the ride, which was currently at its cressendo.  The group of people on the ride hovered for a couple of seconds at the ride’s zenith, and without warning began to fall.  The screams of terror and joy filled the fair as these people plummeted to their would-be demise.  Jim gulped, not exactly the ride he was looking for, being terrified of heights.  “Look Jim, it doesn’t spin!  It’s perfect!”  Danielle exclaimed.  To avoid looking like an enormous puss that he might have already proved himself to be by puking next to a seven year old, Jim did not argue with her at first on the merits of the ride.  “Wouldn’t you rather get something to eat?”  Jim asked, although he wasn’t exactly starving given his recent bout of stomach tennis.  “Hold on, my phone’s ringing.”  Danielle said, and answered the phone.  She took the call and began having an animated conversation with whoever was on the line.  They also must have known Jim for soon the puke story was the subject of their conversation.  “Hey Jim, he wants to talk to you.”  Danielle said.  “Who is it?”  Jim asked.  “Steven.”  Jim took the phone, “What’s up douche?”  “Nice way to talk to your friend.” Steven said, he continued, “Danielle said your too chicken to go on some ride with her?  Don’t be a pussy, do it.”  “Thanks bud, real helpful.”  Jim said and handed the phone back to Danielle.  They talked for a bit more, and then she hung up the phone.  “I’ll tell you what, you go on this ride with me, and I’ll give you a kiss.”  Danielle said.  The world slowed down a moment as Jim thought about this offer, the noises of the carnival fading away as he stared into her beautiful blue eyes.  All fear and doubt took a backseat to Jim’s singular life focus of making a connection with this girl.  “That’s an offer I cannot refuse.” Jim said, making good on his desire to quote the Godfather at least once a day.

They climbed aboard the ride, and strapped in.  It was a standing ride, where you were strapped to the machine behind you, Danielle was to his right.  They gripped each other’s hand as they began to rise in the air.  Their ascent seemed to last for a long time but was only a minute or two.  As they reached the top, Jim’s panic set in, he knew within moments, he would be falling to his death.  For the first time Danielle also seemed afraid, her tough exterior cracked as she stared hundreds of feet below them.  “O my god…” was all was Jim was able to say before the mechanism dropped them.  The fall was the scariest thing Jim had ever felt, his body honestly thought he was about to die, and pumped him full of adrenaline.  In the last second, the ride slowed and stopped, just as it was supposed to.  “That was the coolest thing ever!”  Jim said for the first time that day feeling pumped.  “Yeah it was really fun, we should do it again.”  Danielle agreed.  They made an attempt to get back in line, but the line had grown very long and so they decided to come back a bit later.  “The best part is, the falling didn’t upset my stomach!”  Jim said still very excited about this minor triumph.  Danielle took her hand into his and they began to walk some more.  The sensation of her warm hand touching his sent chills down his spine, that combined with the adrenaline he still felt made him absolutely jublient.  With his hyper vigilence, Jim felt like all the eyes of the crowd around them were on him.  He felt like they could see him holding the hand of this beautiful girl, and would think she was his girlfriend.  That thought gave Jim a lot of pleasure.  It was his little secret.  “Soon,” Jim thought, “Soon.”

They came across a giant tent and upon entering was filled with a stage and chairs.  A sign said that a band would soon be playing.  “My mom saw this group before!  She said they were very cool, their instuments are metal trash can lids, and other junk.”  Danielle said, obviously wanting to stay and watch the concert.  Jim wasn’t nearly so optomistic about the band’s prospects, but besides being happy too oblige her any way he could, and the chance to sit down for a bit, he readily agreed to sit and watch with her.  They sat and talked for the 15 minute prelude before the performers got on stage.  Jim really thought the evening was going well.  He admitted he had gotten off to a bumpy start, but that hand holding, golly, that was swell.  The band arrived, and began to play.  The music was some strange conglomoration of jass, classical, and contemporary.  It wasn’t half bad.  At some point in the set they played a version of Hokey Pokey, to interact with the audience.  They put their left hand in, and their left hand out, and all that nonsense.  Jim was losing interest fast, he didn’t much care for interactive music.  It wasn’t until the beat came, “Give your neighbor a kiss.”  That Jim’s interest peaked.  It was dark outside, and the tent wasn’t well lit.  Taking advantage of the situation, Jim turned quickly to give Danielle a quick peck on the lips.  He didn’t quite make it.  “That was my nose, Jim.”  Danielle said.  Of course Jim knew it was her nose, it hadn’t felt like lips.  He had aimed a bit high, he wasn’t an expert for fuck’s sake.  He played it off like it was no big deal, he had meant to do that…right.  The concert ended and they went to get something to eat.

“Your such a dork Jim.”  Danielle said teasing him.  “Well this dork is driving you home, so I’d be nice.” Jim quiped back playfully.  They walked hand in hand to a food vendor.  They ordered a large portion of crazy long stringy french fries.  They sat down and began to share their meal.  Jim’s phone rang, it was his parents.  “Hold on, let me get this.” Jim said, and answered his phone.  “Hello?”  “Jim, where are you, we have been trying to get a hold of you.”  It was Jim’s father.  “I’m at the fair right now with a girl friend of mine.  I’d like to introduce you to her.”  Jim said.  “A girl?  What?  Jim speak some sense son.”  his father said.  “I said there is a girl I want to introduce you guys to.”  Jim stated rather emphatically.  “O, thats all right, when do you want to come over, tonight?”  his father asked.  “Yeah, maybe in a hour or so.”  Jim looked at his watch, it was 7pm.  “Ok son, be safe, I’ll see you in little while.  How is the fair, are you having a good time?”  his father asked.  “Great time dad, ok, I’ll see you in a while ok?  Bye.”  Jim hung up and resumed eating his fries.  “Was that your dad?” Danielle asked.  “Yeah, you wouldn’t mind swinging over after the fair and meeting them for a minute would you?”  Jim asked.  “No, I’d love to meet your parents, thats really romantic.”  She said.  Jim didn’t know how romantic it was, all he was really looking to do was quash a few rumors he was gay, and move on.  There really were no rumors questioning his sexuality, his family was too repressed for that kind of open discussion; rather it was Jim’s own demons he was battling as he trudged through a culture of sex, drugs, and rock & roll as a 19 year old virgin.

After they finished eating, they decided to ride the ferris wheel, it was dark now, and all the lights from the carnival were in full brilliance.  It was a spectacular scene.  They took their seats and soon the ferris wheel began to turn.  It moved a bit faster than Jim would have preferred, he couldn’t exactly expect to make out with the girl when he was gripping the bar, fighting vertigo.  Luckily, the ride slowed and stopped.  They hovered suspended 3/4 up the wheel’s height.  “I didn’t want to kiss you earlier, after the ride, cause I thought I might still have barf breath.”  Jim explained.  “Yeah, that would have been pretty gross huh?”  Danielle agreed with him, not realizing he was making a pitch to kiss her right now.  Jim’s confidence failed him, and he lost the courage to lean over and give her a long passionate kiss from the movies.  What also ran through his mind was a scene that had happened in his bedroom some weeks ago, before the Steven fiasco.  He had been on his computer surfing the internet for advice on how to kiss.  The hard knocks of life were Jim didn’t know what he was doing.  He had already lied to Danielle telling her that he had done it before, so he couldn’t very well tell her when the time came that he didn’t know what he was doing or that it was his first time.  His roommates had come into his bedroom, as they often did, univited.  They proceeded to play a spirited game of Ro Sham Bo.  This game involved hitting the other person in the nuts hard enough that they were left on the ground crying.  Jim unfortunately was the receipiant of many such “practice rounds”.  They paused long enough in their horsing around to ask Jim what he was doing.  He told them honestly enough he was trying to learn how to kiss a girl.  They laughed him out of his chair.  They found it hysterical that a 19 year old male was looking for advice on something most people in their age group had mastered in prepubescence.

Jim was not amused, nor confident,  as he shoved his mind back to the present.  So kissing her was off the table for now, and that left conversation.  Jim enjoyed talking to her, she was a bit erratic, and crazy, but she was exciting, and alive, and it thrilled Jim to be with her.  The ride ended, and they were making their way to the exit, to be on time with the appointment of stopping by his parent’s house, when another show caught Danielle’s eye.  A hypnotist was setting up in the same large tent they had been in for the concert.  “I don’t even believe in that stuff.”  Jim said, rather disdainfully.  “Well, let’s stay and watch and see what happens.”  Danielle said.  “I’m curious.”  “Ok, so am I.”  Jim said, relenting.

They took their seat once again in the tent, this time closer to the stage.  The hypnotist needed voluteers, but not just any voluteers would do.  Only people who were open to the power of suggestion were requested.  To determine this, the hypnotist asked that everyone in the audience put both hands in front of them, pointer fingers out.  “When you hear the sound of my voice, your two fingers will want to come together, like they have magnets pulling on them.”  Jim himself felt a slight tug on his fingers, startling him.  “Did it work on you?”  Jim asked Danielle, “O, yeah, big time.”  She said.  She raised her hand when voluteers were picked, and she went up on stage.  Jim felt a mixture of pride, and fear for her, not knowing what to expect.  That sense of well-being having her next to him also vanished, leaving him feeling depleted, and wanting to shout to all around, “I’m still with her!  That girl on stage, I’m still with her!  I’m not here alone like a loser!”  Jim’s insecurities aside, the show began, and the hypnotist put the group under his spell.  One by one he spoke into their ears, and tapped their heads, causing them to droop precipitously.  A couple of people he sent back to the audience saying they weren’t susceptible enough for hypnosis.  Then the fun began.  One by one the hypnotist plied his trade causing each person to physically embarrass themselves.  One old white haired man, he turned into a little girl, who began applying lipstick and blush, supplied by an assistant, gratuitously across his face.  It was truly remarkable.  Others he sent running through the audience chanting crazy words, still others triggered to look in their shoes for money when he said the code word.  Luckily Danielle didn’t have to do anything too embarrassing; at some point she had her face in the shoe bomber’s lap, and she danced with the hypnotist, but considering the others, she got off lucky.  Jim was blown away by the spectacle.  He came in a doubter, and left a believer.  One might argue the people were plants, actors in the game.  Obviously not Danielle, she had come with him.  It was facinating.

Even more interesting, about ten months later Jim encountered the white haired man at his job.  He was unloading a truck, and the driver was the same man who had applied makeup all over his face.  Jim did a double take, he recognized the man instantly, as he had been the one most under the spell.  “Were you at the state fair last year?” Jim asked.  “Yes.” said the man, “Why?”  “Did you go to the hypnotist show?”  Jim asked.  “Yes.” the man was becoming concerned.  “I saw you on stage, in fact, I bought the video they produced of the event and still have it.”  The man was not at all pleased for being remembered this way.  “Please destroy it.”  So it was that when Jim and Danielle reconnected after the act, Jim did buy the video for $20.  As they walked out Jim asked, “Did you know what you were doing?  What was it like?”  “Yes, I knew what I was doing, I felt really relaxed and sleepy, but I was in control still, I think.”  she explained.  “It was great.”  was all Jim could say and they proceeded to leave the fair.  It was after 10pm, much too late to bother his folks tonight, on a weeknight.  So Jim took Danielle home to her grandparent’s house.  On the drive home she expressed that that had been the best day of her life, the happiest.  For Jim as well it had been a wonderful day, ten hours alone, uniterrupted with his biggest crush.  They parted on good terms, saying their farewells, promising to see each other the next day.  Little did Jim know at the time, but he was in for the ride of his life.